Yep, smack in the middle of the coronageddon, I want to sell this house. After stagnating in lockdown for three months, the market is suddenly white hot. Everyone’s getting out. I might be nuts, but I’ve got company.

Problem is, while the market might be gangbusters for multi-million dollar homes selling for cash, here on the bario side of the tracks, where everyone has lost all three of their jobs, home values are falling off the fucking cliff. Should I cut my losses and leave? Or should I sit tight and turn my house into a metaphorical fortress? Either way, I take it in the derrière.

Here’s what I think I know. Today, as I arrive at the hundredth meridian of hell and high-19, it’s time to turn this derrière around and live life tragically hip. At the end of any day, that might be all there is. 

• At the Hundredth Meridian, 1993, The Tragically Hip
• At the Hundredth Meridian Lyrics
• How Covid-19 Could Redesign Our World

Be kind and be careful. See you on the other side.

So yeah, I broke out of lockdown and stole away to Tahoe for a few days. They said it would be a ghost town. Uh-huh. It has more bodies than a makeshift morgue in Manhattan. Okay, that’s dark even for me. Mea culpa morta. The Tahoe zombies are mostly kids, lots of kids, without any masks or social distancing in place. I give it two weeks before all hell breaks loose. Hopefully my handbasket won’t be one that’s going south. Way way south.

People have become so narcissistically entitled they couldn’t behave their asses if life itself depended on it. Which, of course, it does. Either that or they’re dumber than whale fuck. Maybe not. Wal fck is def hella smrtr. 

Was I ever young and dumb like that? These days I don’t feel that I was ever young, period. Blame it on the coronavirus. Be that as it may, racing around Lake Tahoe in a speedboat ahead of a thunderstorm just made the bucket list a little shorter. Def.

• Psychology Today: Human Herding - How People are Like Guppies
• 2021: time to reset our expectations and change our behavior
• Worst of times: why Charles Dickens would have hated lockdown
• Blame It On The Bossa Nova, 1963, Eydie Gormé
• Baba O'Riley, 1971, The Who

Be kind and be careful. 

Ooooo I just remembered I bought all new luggage for last summer’s big road trip that never got out of the driveway. Instead, I tarred the driveway. Isn’t that what everyone does to celebrate their 70th birthday? But I have to admit, it was a good long celebration. It took me two weeks just to do the patching. 

Ten months later I’m finally pulling out of the carport. I suppose now I have to pull out my luggage and pack. It’s always something. I don’t like to unpack either. Maybe I shouldn’t, that way I’d always be ready for the next trip. Never unpack, never pack. Be prepared. You bet I was a Girl Scout. 

Well, packing shouldn’t take long this time. I gained so much weight in three months of quarantine, nothing fits, so there’s nothing to pack. I can just keep wearing my pajamas. Oh for heaven’s sake, I’m not that big a slob! My face masks will be totally coordinated.

Be kind and be careful. 

Okay, I’ll come clean. I have an ulterior motive for getting out of town and braving the coronademic. Yes, I want to see the folks who invited us. Yes, I need to get out of quarantine jail. Yes, Lake Tahoe is fucking awesome. But there’s a house up that way that’s for sale and I really need to see it. 

They say there isn’t a female alive who can walk past a shoe store without going inside. Not me. But houses? Houses? The only thing that keeps this female alive at all is houses. I need my fix. Even if it’s a fixer. 

I have no idea how safe I’ll be in a hotel. Hotels make me squeamish with or without pandemics. But I’ve gotta get out of this place and find us another, even if it kills me. Hope you can make it to the funeral.

• We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, 1965, The Animals
• Somewhere, 1985, Barbra Streisand
• Somewhere Over The Rainbow, 1939, Judy Garland
  

Be kind and be careful. 

Remember when a certain someone said he’d take me on a month-long road trip to Santa Fe for my 70th birthday? Me neither. And it ain’t old age. Damn you, coronavirus! Let’s see YOU make it to 70 without a party! On second thought, let’s not. No coronavirus ever went away.

Many years ago I remember a billboard that said: The first person to live to 150 has already been born. I doubt I’ll live another 70 now, but I had kinda hoped it would be me. *sigh* Little did I know it would be a fucking virus. No coronavirus ever went away.

So instead, why don’t we pack our suitcases and head for Lake Tahoe in the middle of a big pandemic! Arrright! Wow, I used to count how many days of socks I’d need. Now it’s masks. Let’s see, should I take the one with polka dots or clown heads? Stripes go with everything, okay I’ll take that. And the big bottle of hand sanitizer. Kids, if you plan to travel in 2020, be sure to have a safe trip. For real. 

No coronavirus ever went away. But I’m about to.

• We’ve never made a successful vaccine for a coronavirus
• The first person to live to 150 has already been born
• The Safest Way To Take A Road Trip While Social Distancing
• AARP: Summer travel heats up, but lots of caution required
• Road tripping in California this summer

Be kind and be careful.